Change of head is a change of heart for the greater good!

‘You’ve changed’, she said but not in accusing way just a statement. And isn’t my Mum right.

I have.

I’ve spent 2 years on myself really looking at my values, my vision, my lessons and most of all making up for the crappy stuff I’ve done. Those two years where bliss because I could see the difference in myself. My heart-felt good, my head light and my soul blissfully happy.

And then something happened over the last year that changed me into the person I am now, and I really don’t like me, I’m nearly back to my old, old self.

My mum used to call me a magical manifestress because I used to be able to get whatever I wanted with ease, I was grateful and honest and happy.

And this how I want to be now.  I want to start only concerning myself with the things that matter and contribute to the overall success of my life. This ungrateful  insecure, and over thinking woman who I’ve become is not the real me.

I’m quick to blame those around for me influencing me however I gently remind myself that… the true test of your character is when you’re around those whom are opposite to you.

So I’m glad my Mum told me that today because it’s that, that has made me consciously realise that it’s time to take a few step backwards in to the good side of my past for me to bring it back into the here and now. Not to mention the future.

Love,

L

It’s easy to lose yourself / I am working on me from now on

I describe myself as rather strong-willed, true to whom I am, and not influenced greatly by others.  My mum used to say that my personality had been developed at 9 and that I was born an adult. I guess being a only child, home schooled and having interaction with positive can do adults – I developed a strong character and for this I’m very thankful for .

However since being took under the wing by CB and family, I discovered just how different my upbringing has been compared to theirs, and how thankful that I am of this. They’re so yang,  hold grudges, rather moody, and there is lots of tension within their family affairs. Totally different from mine : yin, lets go easy, laid back, and if it’s not worth it move on fast attitude.

Furthermore I’ve learnt though how easy it is to lose yourself around those whom are different to you. I swear in the past  year of  knowing CB and family, I’ve become very stressed and even run down. I find myself doing, saying and being someone who I’m not or ever want to be. Getting caught up in others dramas and lives (it’s hard not to when you care) but instead I should be concentrating on my own.

Don’t get me wrong they’ve been amazing, and have given me some wonderful things. The family have touched my life in so many ways and I am truly, truly thankful that I met them. But as a wise friend told me the other day ‘the true test of your character is when you’re around those whom are the opposite to you, not the same as you’.

And it’s true. How else would I know how strong a person I am without tests? Of course it’s not their fault, they don’t do it on purpose. If anything it’s up to me how I control my reactions and responses. Another wise friend said ( I’ve many) ‘Situations don’t make you react, it’s how you that react to them that determines the outcome.’

So, being back home, in my little apartment with my puddy cat I’ve started to be me again. It’s quiet here, calm and I’ve my positive mind set back again. I’ve even joined a gym – the huge pool, jacuzzi and 15% discount off beauty treatments won me over – not to mention the erm good looking staff. But I can assure you that’s not the entire reason I joined. :p

I had a massage, facial, and my nails done today. And I feel wonderful. I’ve been listening to some positive mental attitude mp3’s as well as working on my new business venture and it’s got me feeling like I can do anything.

I’ve discovered that a) the person that moves in with me will have to be very, very special – Ideally we’ll have separate houses and b) I used to think liking my own space was a bad thing, but now I know it’s essential for my sanity. lol.

Any way, on my last blog I was pondering about when I was going to travel, and fearing that I was uninteresting. But I’ve now realised that I’m on a journey now (not to sound too Yoda) and It’s a good one that I should enjoy. I moved to a beautiful place, I’ve an amazing line of work and lots of support in my life and that I should quite frankly quit acting like a bitch (my wise friend 50 cent said once).

And TGR I do love your last comment on my blog ”  The interesting comes from YOU not what you’ve done” and so with this in mind. I’m working on me from now on!

Other than my lack of sex, (I’m hoping ‘to get it’ this Wednesday) I’m pretty happy… I’ll keep you updated!

Love,

L