Father’s day is always a time of year that makes me a little sad. The older I get, the less sad I get of course. I suppose it’s a time that I really look at the type of men that I choose to bestow my affections on. I mean, did his lack of attention and affection really make me who am I am today : sex mad commitment phobic?
Seems unfair that he should get all of the blame. I mean I do have choice of how I want to be, Seems too clichéd to blame the parents…
Yesterday was my double date with CB and his brother. My friend and the brother got on really well, which means we sneaked away to the upstairs toilets where we nearly go caught when I was dragging him into the ladies. The evils I got…
Sounds fun doesn’t it? But it wasn’t. Firstly he’d had a bad day (he was ripped off by some car place) and secondly I was convinced he’d got my letter even though he swore it had not come through. I sent to him 3 times and apparently it’s not got there. Is that the universes way of telling me something?
Any way after him being so obviously in a bad mood, he suggested we take a walk to the nearby woods where we pulled up at the side of the road and had sex quite clearly in full view. Usually, I’d feel very excited!!
Accept this time I didn’t. It felt empty. It was quick. And I didn’t even get chance to cum. I actually felt used…
What didn’t help was the conversation we had on the way there. It went something like this …
Me : I had a really bad feeling you were going to finish with me this week.
Him : Why would you think that, that’s a bit random.
Me : I dunno, just a feeling I got.
Him : silence
No reassuring words or kisses nothing. So I’ve mentally prepared myself now on the just in case basis.
I spent most of the duration doing the talking with him, whilst he sits and feels sorry for himself about his bad situation that he’s in. I’m not heartless honest, I just can’t help people who don’t want to be helped.
Going back to my Dad, what does make me laugh is that I can cut him off at the age of 8 forever and not really feel anything. Yet when it comes to my lovers, it takes me a lot of shit to get rid. I can’t help but hold on.
It has been a year now, maybe we’re just getting bored with each other. And to those who are married for more than 3 years hats off to you. Seeing CB has really made me question is it possible to stay with someone forever without getting bored?
Urgh thinking about it, is just boring me. Any way I’ve to get a grip, put things in perspective and give my career life more attention because it’s suffering again. You see this is why I don’t do relationships because I can’t seem to get the equilibrium in my life. Can any one?
Perhaps I need to help myself.
Any way if you are a father, have a great one and remember to impact in your children’s lives in a good way other wise they’ll end up like me.
Wishing you a good week,
Love,
L
High Heels To Wellies 