Had the most wonderful weekend at the beach. I haven’t swam in the sea for a good 10 years and the last time was Malta. This time it was Wales, but I’ve not seen clear blue / green waters ever since and I certainly wouldn’t have expected it in Wales – but it was fabulous!
Sadly CB couldn’t come because of work but his two brother and friend came, it was like the 4 Musketeers. The sun hot, the water cool, and the views spectacular. When we all got back about 10pm we couldn’t just stop raving on about it.
I went to bed that night with huge smile on my face. CB got in about 2pm and I heard him come to bed but I was too zonked to open my eyes. The next morning we’d arranged to go again but I think we were all a little sun kissed from Saturday’s events.
Instead me, CB and bro decided to go for a drive to the local river for a dip and chill but we ended up going for a drive instead. I was really hoping to sneak away for summer fun, but with the bro in the back it wasn’t going to happen..
Finally when we got back, we nipped away into the nearby woods and found a lovely hill to ‘chill’ out on and look up at the beautiful sky. All was beautiful, until I decided to ask a question that had been bugging me that weekend.
His Mum the previous day had mentioned that CB had been talking to her about how pissed off he was about myself and his friend. Basically when I met his friend, I realised at how cool this guy was and so I happen to mention it to CB. According to him, I’d said it quite a bit. It didn’t help that I added him on FB and have been talking to him a lot. I know it doesn’t look good, but I can assure it’s all innocent. I genuinely get on with men more than women so I’m used to having guy friends and this wasn’t no different.
Well I didn’t pick up on him being pissed off, and I didn’t even click a few weeks back when he was in a mood for the entire weekend – the same one when I first met his friend.
So after sex, I approached the subject with him and he told me what was on his mind. I listened, and I agreed with him because I could see where he was coming from. But then I reassured him that I didn’t fancy his friend etc etc. Then he told me about his mate passing comment about CB only wanting me when he wants and kept on going on about how we’d talk through the weeks etc. CB said that it had pissed him off because it seemed I’d no time to talk or see him yet I’d been chatting to him. Coming to think about, it had been 3 weeks since I’d last saw him and it’s bit weird of his mater to be going on about me..
Then again, CB is naturally jealous and this can lead to things being misunderstood. Looking at it from a non jealous person, it looks at though his mate is just being friendly and maybe wants to reassure CB that I’m cool and he likes me, and accepts me as one of the gang.
Any way that conversation lead to a much deeper on, and he started asking me whether I had anything on my mind and this time I couldn’t hold it back – i just said it as it was.i mentioned how I feel that the newness has gone, and I don’t feel as thought there’s any thought in to what goes on between us. He made a money comment as hes going through financial difficulty at the moment. I told him that money was not the issue, as money can’t buy thoughtfulness… I also told him to stop acting like a spoilt brat and start being more grateful. It felt really wonderful to be truthful with him and I feel as though we crossed another barrier.
Although the part that did scare me was when he told me how much he liked me. I swear his eyes went googly and he looked as thought he going to confess is undying love for me.. It didn’t help when I got back later, ad his mum happened to mentioned that he’d been talking to her about how much he liked me and that he was scared..
It may sound dramatic but CB doesn’t express emotions like that, so when he tells this to his Mum, I know it’s real.
And it saddens me it really does, because the more I know him, the more that I like him and care for him. We don’t share any of the same values, we want different things. He wants children and I don’t.In fact me having children is like him turning veggi – and that’s never going to happen.
I feel frustrated at the fact I’m falling for someone that’s completely wrong for me and feel powerless at severing what we have now because I am really enjoying the moment.
I know I’m going to have a broken heart in the long run, but now feels so good.