I know, that you already knew that. And deep down so did I. But I’ve only just admitted it out loud. It sound so harsh, in the cold air of the country side. But it’s true. Lets face it, if I wasn’t a commitment phoebe I wouldn’t have
a) had an affair with a married man
b) gone out with my ex best friends bf
c) gone madly jealous when someone went out with one of my mates, because I secretly had the hots for him, and didn’t want him being with any one else, despite me having my own ‘friend’.
d) lead on my old fuck buddy on just in case it doesn’t work out with CB
e) lead on an old flame on for the same reason as above
f) have a sting of ‘friends’ and then finding an excuse to get rid of them before they turned into something more.
Yes true commitment phoebic behaviour I’d say.
But I’ve say out of the all the bad things that I’ve done, there’s one thing good that’s come out it – I’ve never been hurt. I know it’s selfish, but why would I want to be moping around for a month eating excessive amounts of ice cream whilst remembering all the good old times with whoever it maybe. It’s not Sex & The City. I only chose to feel good – narcasistic perhaps ?
And a good example happened today. As you know, I’ve been living with CB for a while, and it’s natural that we’ve got close etc. I came home for a few days to get my own space, and it was only last night when I started to wonder what CB was up to… I never wonder about this with friends, I couldn’t usually care less – unless it involved their manhood. It was then I got this sinking feeling because I knew he’d been out the weekend, most probably be surrounded with gorgeous girls, and an emotion stirred within me….. jealously.
It’s quite laughable really considering my last post on his jealously…. I’m not a jealous person, but the thought of another’s lips on his, pissed me right off, and not just in a ‘friends’ ‘he’s mine bitch’ way. In a caring way.
I don’t like caring about people too much, they always give me reasons to be sad usually. And then it hit me this morning, when I’d text him to ask when he wanted me to come back on over – he said he didn’t as there was a few things going on at his. Like his uncle coming over from China, and that they all wanted some man time. Completely fine with me, I like my own space, and I know he does too. But it was the fact that his message was cold, no kisses only a suggestion of coming around in the week to fuck…
And that’s when I knew that we were back to ‘just friends’ like it should be. But I’m still sad.
Damn men! (those reading this excluded)
I guess a commitment phoebe doesn’t really care, and in true fashion I’ve just texted JF to see if he wants to go out this weekend. After my cancelling on him for CB (NEVER doing that again) I’ve been a bad friend, and probably should make it up to him.