One of them being CB. Living with men has really made me appreciate living with myself, and other females. Hey, I’m not one of those girly girls that craves pink and shreaks at spiders. I’m pretty 21st century, I can change my own god damn light bulb! But living with CB and brothers, has give me a taste of what it is like to be around men 24 -7.
Let me start from the beginning. I know I’ve not been around a lot lately (but that’s partly because I’m sharing a pc with CB and fam and wouldn’t want then to stumble upon this blog) A few weeks ago, their mum went to the other side of the world and asked me to come and stay to look after the house ( people living in it included) I would never say no, if you’d see where they live (15 acres of farm land, country cottage, horses, chickens, pigs and dogs – it’s idyllic. Actually a creative persons heaven… ) Sadly there is a lot of tension in the house because the step dad is living there who’s now the ex of CB’s mum and fam. Whilst she’s over there starting a new life, she’s waiting for him to find a new job and go – but he seems to be dragging his heals – result, lots of arguments. Having me there means everyone is on the best behaviour… or so they should be!
I’ve been there for a week now, and for someone who loves, and I mean loves their own space, it’s pretty hard to share it. Yes they’re all out at work during the day. But come 5 in the evening, everyone’s home. It’s the little things that I struggle with such as having dinner with CB or curling up on the sofa. It’s a nice thing to do once or twice, but when it becomes a pattern… I kinda see us becoming a married couple. And I find myself over thinking it – does he really want to chill out with me, or would he prefer to hang out with his brothers like usual. Do I really want to hang out with him every night? There’s only so many times that you can say good day honey? Before it becomes a little boring.
Any way last weekend was a little challenge. We’ve had some terrible weather, especially snow, to the point where we got snowed in. Stupidly enough myself and his younger brother (who’s kind of become my brother too) decided to go out for the night with friends. CB was away with work. The first sign I got from CB that he wasn’t too happy with us going out was when he phoned me up (he rarely phones.) I got 20 questions ; where are you going, who you going with, what time are you coming back. At this stage I didn’t know it was with a group of footballers and that I’d end up trapped in a flood at 6am (more to come later)
I’ve always known CB can be a little protective, but I only discovered the next day just how much. The night out was really fun, but rather tiring. This sounds big-headed, but I don’t do too bad in the looks department, nor the breasts department – combine with a little black dress, some red lipstick and I’m in trouble. Can you imagine having a whole foot ball team fight for your attention? To the point where you have them pulling you in different direction on the dance floor… My adopted brother was a little star though, he kept an eye on me, and could see that I was quite capable of looking after myself. So at 4 am, we all went home and me and brother, his mate and his gf got a taxi home. During our trip home we ended up going through REALLY deep fords, and the last one, the car couldn’t take and broke down right in the middle. I should say that where I’m staying is right up in the Welsh Valleys, so very high! The water which was now coming in to the car was freezing and muddy. We had to wait half hour whilst a mini bus picked us up. Instead of him parking next to the car so we could jump in without getting wet – he couldn’t because of the current, so he had to park up the road. Which meant, us getting out and wading through to our safety! A very dramatic night, cold, wet, hung over. But still fun….
Any way the next morning CB got back and instead of him coming up stairs to say hello, he stayed down stairs. I knew he was pissed off. So I went down and said hello etc. He asked me if I’d had a good night, so I told him about the flood incident but he didn’t seem to interested in that. It turns out my adopted Brother’s friend had landed me in the shit, but not answering CB’s question (I never found out what it was exactly) but it was something to do with me, and getting attention. SO I’m the type of person who will not take jealousy etc and will just put it right on out there. I asked him his problem an he said he’d had a bad feeling on the way home. When I asked him did he think I’d slept with someone he said no, but he wanted to know what the guys had done. I didn’t lie, I told him they were all over me, but that’s what men are like when drunk. A darkness over his eyes appeared and he laughed and said did you get any of their name’s, I will find them. And then he did this fake little laughter. The mood when right down, and at this point I’d had enough so I took myself off upstairs to watch my favorite film – eat, love, prey.
My adopted brother came up to ask me if I was OK, and I told him what happened. He must have said something to CB because he came up and apologised. I told him right there and then that he had no right to be protective, and pissed off, because we are not together. And even if we were, I don’t take that (excuse my French) SHIT. All was fine after that.
So yes living with men has been a challenge, it’s also been interesting to see the other side of CB. I still get the feeling he’s not showing me all of him, but I don’t think he really knows the whole of me either – whoever does? I am trying my hardest not to fall in to mother role such as washing dishes, and cooking etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll do my fair share, but they have to also!
The more that I see CB, eat with him, laugh with him, sleep with him – the more I beginning to care about him. Which is just a night mare really. I’ve not seen JF at all, and have cancelled on him many a times now because I’m starting to feel even more guilty.
I was entertaining the idea of telling CB about me dating, but seeing his reaction from the weekend made me realise he likes me more than he cares to let on. It’s the little things that give me these tell-tale signs such as remember how many sugars I take, bringing me in chocolate after me saying I was craving it the night before. It’s the little things, you know? And then when we were cuddling the other day, he suddenly said ‘I hate getting close to someone, because I start to really care about them and my over protectiveness comes out. I tried to diffuse it by saying ‘hey you know I don’t do emotion, that sounds a little soppy for my liking’ we both laughed. But what a crap reply hey… but to admit I’m in to someone who not my ideal person, is just admitting that I’m failing and falling hard.
Any how, that’s enough of my babbling. Will write soon, I promise!